China is a country of ascension, and nobody wants to be seen as sliding backward.
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This makes life especially difficult for millions of unmarried migrant workers. They're separated from love by "three, high-towering mountains," says Liu: a lack of money, time and connections. Liu's parents also migrated around the country. And like many children, he grew up with his grandmother. When his grandfather came home, his grandmother would put rice on the table, but she never showed her husband physical affection. He also didn't have any girlfriends as a student. Teachers and parents discouraged teenage flirtation — they didn't want anything to distract their expensive only child from learning.
And so it was that Liu slipped into the marriage market with a typical Chinese inexperience with love and relationships. He should have long since been married by now, but instead he has no experience with women at all. After school, Liu migrated to the city like millions of others. Increasing numbers of brides from North Korea or Cambodia began arriving in the typical "bachelor village" in the provinces they left behind. Parents are seeking foreign women for their sons out of sheer desperation.
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United Nations workers note there has also been an increase in human trafficking in China's rural areas. Parents try to find spouses for their children at an informal "marriage market" at the Temple of Heaven park in Beijing. Liu moved into a tiny apartment in the city. He sells instant noodles for a supermarket and is on the prowl for a wife on the side. He has seven dating apps on his mobile phone, including Tantan, China's answer to Tinder.
His profile photo shows him doing archery, even though he has no clue about the sport. Dr Love took the pictures and recommended Liu use a soft-focus lens on his face.
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He doesn't seem to know that even the rich struggle with love. Indeed, there are men in China who invest hundreds of thousands of dollars in their search for a bride. They also suffer as a result of their status, striving for perfection that matches their wealth. The elite agency Diamond Love has its headquarters about kilometres from Liu, in Shanghai, China's shining business metropolis. Two hundred consultants and full-time matchmakers are at the disposal of the top tier at six locations across the country.
Ren is a professional matchmaker. The elegant year-old woman, with a canary-yellow blazer and shiny hair, studied psychology. She knows the romantic problems of the upper class like few others. For women, the questionnaire distinguishes between "hardware" and "software", between appearance and character.
Ren says the trend is toward "very white skin with soft texture", "a fine, oval face and a degree from a top Chinese university". A woman, she says, should be under 30, "warm and hard-working". She says most people want "as little past relationship experience as possible". Ren smiles. Ren's trickiest case is a year-old man she calls "Mr Rich". On the phone, he asks excitedly when there will be "fresh resources". He thought all 50 of the women Ren matched him with were boring. Mr Rich is one of the Fuyidai, as the first generation of wealthy Chinese are called. He comes from a modest background, and he began investing overseas.
It's impossible to speak with Mr Rich, but if one spends time with his agent for several days, a certain world-view emerges. Mr Rich, she says furtively, isn't particularly good-looking. She says he's skinny and smokes too much.
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Still, she says, he believes he deserves the most beautiful wife, and he has signed a year-long contract with Diamond Love, through which he is entitled to meet five women per month. She says he treats her matches like luxury cars with unsightly rust marks. Ren is an extremely polite women, but her clients' behaviour can be so extreme that her anecdotes about them can be free-flowing. One client looked at women in the agency's database and rejected them if an eyebrow was too high.
Another complained about every skin imperfection. The Fu'erdai, the children of the nouveau riche, she says, are demanding.
She says the one-child policy was a catastrophe that has led to the rise of impossible-to-please narcissists. Diamond Love's matchmakers drive their red Minis around in nine cities, scouting universities, academies and luxury boutiques for women who stand out in the crowd. Once, they organised the "Oriental Lady" contest in which hundreds of women took part and did singing and dancing performances. They didn't know the contest's head juror was himself a client looking for a wife.
While Ren waits for results at Starbucks, love scouts run after attractive passersby in the shopping quarter. One, wearing skinny jeans and a bomber jacket, stops. The "resources", as Ren calls the women, don't immediately need to know that Diamond Love is screening them as potential wives. She says she doesn't want to give the impression the selection follows the Cinderella principle, and explains that the women need to pass tests and interviews with psychologists before they can meet a client.
Out of women, the agency only selects a dozen. She answered, "I have 12 years more life experience than the woman you chose, and I'm married". Since then, Ren has smuggled in a few older "B-women" among the twentysomething "A-women" who fit Mr Rich's criteria. She says it was a "battle" for him to recognise it. She calls it "re-education". After six months with Mr Rich, she says, she has had one success. They have less glamorous problems at the school of flirting in Hangzhou, where Liu is sitting at a table with five other men, his hands holding a glass of tea.
All the students come from poorer rural areas. They work in restaurants or in construction. Another responds, "As soon as I ask for a meeting on a dating app, the women block me".
Liu says, "When I meet a woman, I get so nervous that none want to see me again". A person's social status in China is determined by the authorities. The so-called Hukou system of household registration, splits all people into two categories: rural or urban. The place where a Chinese person is registered determines their access to doctors, schools — and also to urban, middle-class women. No date takes place in China without someone politely asking about the other person's Hukou status.
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