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'Being black can be more fun than being gay'
Two neko or two tachi can hang out as friends no problem, but a tachi and a neko together? That would be a date and possibly considered cheating if either person has a significant other. But, this culture does exist, so do not be surprised if it happens to you! It is often said that most sexual minorities are not out in Japan.
This was the case for me and seems to be common from my research on Japanese YouTube coming out stories. However, because many are not out, meeting people to date becomes more difficult.
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This is one of the reasons why I suggest lesbianspecific apps, bars, and events for meeting other women. I have noticed this myself and had it confirmed by other women here: in America, masculine women are popular; but in Japan, they are not. Of course, everyone has their own preferences, but after speaking with lesbian dating event organizers, it seems that feminine wlw are in the highest demand here.
Time and time again I hear that there are too many butch tachi and not enough femme neko to date. It worked for me! At least, those were the scathing words of politician Mio Sugita just last year.
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These may sound like isolated incidents, but discrimination runs deep among the older and more conservative generations who hold most of the political power. Tradition, especially for people living in the inaka countryside , is very embedded and people need to respect that. However, she pointed out Japanese people tend to be respectful enough not to say such things out loud.
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Ciera W. People just know. Sadie Carter, a year-old JET from Florida, who identifies as a lesbian trans-woman, said people tend to be ambivalent towards her.
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Sadie mentioned most people, especially younger folks, appear not to have issues with her identity. As in many places around the world, lesbian and bisexual communities can be harder to find than those for gay males. That being said, urban Japan, especially Tokyo, does provide female-friendly queer spaces. So, how does one actually find a partner?
Japanese Lesbian Culture
The starting point for many is mingling at gay bars and clubs. The Sapporo spot had just a few seats and the bartender interacted with all the patrons at once and made them become friends. The scene at bars and clubs may not suit everyone, of course.