One of them could be the way in which Chinese men, all Asian men for that matter, are portrayed in Western culture. The emasculation of the Asian male is a well documented trope of Western cinema.
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Asian men are either portrayed as celibate, pure, martial arts heroes or one dimensional token minorities. This undoubtedly has an effect on the way Western women view Chinese men. Another reason is the relative conservatism of Chinese relationships; gender roles in Chinese relationships are so clearly defined that even lesbian couples frequently divide themselves in to masculine and feminine counterparts, T for tomboy , and P for princess.
Whilst this also exists in the occidental world, deviation from this is much less common over in China. But all this aside, what are relationships actually like for Western women who take the plunge and date Chinese men? In the West, dating is seen as something you can do casually at least in the beginning. Something that will only result in long term commitment or marriage if those feelings develop.
Comfort, reliability, getting on well with his parents and being family oriented will often take precedence over passion, common interests and sexual compatibility. Chinese men, especially those in their early twenties, may also be less sexually experienced than you, so you might want to take that into consideration before you pounce. When it comes to communication, sometimes less appears to be more in China.
The Chinese are much less prone to expressing love directly , and confrontation generally avoided. Chinese guys can sometimes be much less forthcoming with their feelings. This can be confusing to Western women who may be used to more direct expressions of admiration. Several blogs by Western women who have come across this problem report that they had to eventually just ask directly whether the guy actually liked them or not.
One woman even had to ask her now-husband to kiss her when they were dating. Chinese guys are more likely to show their love in different ways, however - by taking care of you, for example. Many Western women have experienced confusion over Chinese guys carrying their bags for them, insisting on paying for everything and taking them shopping even if her income far outstrips his. Texts and phone calls offering advice such as "wear more clothes" and "don't come home too late" are fairly routine. For the more independently minded woman, this could be construed as patronizing.
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Anyone who has been in China for more than a couple of weeks will have noticed that the gender dynamics of relationships are slightly different. Matching outfits abound, and for women, speaking in a whiny voice, stamping your feet, complaining and being incapable of carrying your own bag are seen as cute here as opposed to annoying or childish.
So where do Western women fit into this? An American girl I spoke to told me she essentially slipped into the role of a Chinese girlfriend and would sajiao at her boyfriend, originally as a joke. However, he responded well to it so she continued. But this backfired when she was genuinely angry with her man and wanted to have a serious talk about the relationship. She would be told " bie bibi " stop nagging.
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Because she had feigned anger in the past in order to elicit a certain reaction from her boyfriend, any genuine issues she had were also interpreted as sajiao -ing. Not every Chinese man enjoys being sajiao -ed at however. Part of your appeal may be your independence and the different way you communicate with him. Family relationships in China are different to those in the West.
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While families in the West obviously vary in terms of how traditional and conservative they are, when you get to a certain age, you and your parents are considered, if not equals, at least as a group of adults. In China the parent-child roles remain fairly rigid, and when you date a Chinese guy you will often need to fall into line. Be warned, your relationship with his mother can potentially make or break your pairing.
And when it came to breaking up with him, my friend ended up screening dozens of calls a day, not from her exe, from his mother. The concept of casual dating is still not very common in China. Fortunately, their ideas changed when they met me in person! One undeniable advantage of dating a Chinese man is the opportunity to learn about China and be part of a new family that will be loyal to a fault. Being part of a culture that puts huge importance on ritual, tradition and ceremony means you will be able to enjoy these traditions from a unique viewpoint, learn real Chinese cooking, and speak better Chinese.
The important thing to realise is that in a country of over 1 billion people, not everyone is going to be the same.
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The difficulties you may face because of these differences can be made up for in the many things you can learn from each other and the unique experiences you can have together. Stick to your principles, but be willing to make a few sacrifices - even if it means venturing out in public wearing couples' outfits. Keywords: Western women dating Chinese men dating Chinese men.
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Please login to add a comment. Click here to login immediately. Oct 10, Report Abuse. Mar 05, Report Abuse. I for one find Chinese men extremely attractive and not at all attracted to Caucasian men. The Chinese men I have dated do not seem to fit any description I have read about on posts like these. I have found they rarely want to commit and tend to date several girls at once and lie about it until found out, then you never see or hear from them again.
Most Chinese woman are either my physique or larger so western women size comments are widely inaccurate as far as I'm concerned. I find Chinese men to be very dishonest and players. They just do so in a different way to western men, perhaps more discreet about it whereas the western men like to boast. Never dated an abc so perhaps they are different.. Feb 10, Report Abuse.
Anyone, Foreigner male or female, who are dreaming of dating or worse, marrying a Chinese man or woman is just crazy, dumb, stupid or high as a kite!! Chinese women age like coffee, cold and bitter, as for the men, wow I mean, now you talking someone who is, generally speaking of course, just plain ignorant, delusional, usually spoiled, always on mission impossible Mar 17, Report Abuse. May 19, Report Abuse.
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Use for what? Are you just looking to score with a foreign girl, because none of these work to any girl with half a brain. Frankly, even though I agree in principle, in practice Chinese men don't approach Western girls. They are way too shy for that. Heck, notice how many Chinese men approach Chinese girls. The only "pick-ups" in China are by foreigners. Jun 06, Report Abuse. After all, who knows them better?
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Having said that, in my 4 years in Shanghai I saw maybe 3 "Western girl-Chinese man" couples. In a smaller city, you might be the "talk of the town". Times are changing The problem is that in most Asian cultures it is encouraged for people to remain introverted, whereas in Western culture extroversion is prized. Western women expect to be chased. They expect a man who isn't afraid to make the first move. When Asian men hold back, Western women assume there's no attraction. Sounds like promotion. They just pay a second girlfriend or 'KTV' girls for side fun.